I’m addle-brained in some things, and at other times as efficient and focused as James Bond.

I’m sleeping deep and hard, except on those nights when I can’t get my brain from running loops of 60s pop songs.

I’m frightened and lethargic and giddy and morose and secretive and proud and happy to be where I am, doing what I’m doing, except when I’m not.

All that means: I’m trying to get a new novel started.

Of course, getting it started is something along the lines of Buster Keaton getting the house plans from Sears and then losing the directions. But there’s only one thing worse than pushing through the fog and chaos that comes with a story a-borning, and that’s staring at the walls without a single idea in the world about what I’m ever going to do with my life. So I’ll take this state of mind, as unnerving as it is. I just hope I don’t run someone over in the car while I gaze off into space.

This doesn’t mean I don’t have an idea of where this narrative is headed. Just look at the timeline below. This will actually help me to keep all the facts straight. I just have to fill in the right side of the curve with “stuff” (as we writers say).

I like to imagine that the reason for their decision was really the fact that the whole committee had stayed up late reading Honk Honk, My Darling, and didn’t have time to plow through David Foster Wallace’s salute to the boredom in an IRS office. Such delusions keep me alive like Nick Fury and his Infinity Formula. Please don’t deny me my lifeblood!

So I spoke on the subject at the Paper Machete, my newest fave reading series in Chicago that tries to attack the big stories in the news every week. The MP3 for the performance is below. If you’d like to hear the entire show each week, you can subscribe to it at iTunes or catch individual performances at WBEZ.org.

Would You Read a Book that Was Almost a Pulitzer Winner?

All brought to you by Genghis Khan Hair Tonic, the Barbarian’s Choice!

(Sorry this was so late. April flew by, what with spring break, computer meltdowns and other problems. If you enjoy this, please tell your friends and neighbors.)

I’m glad to call Rick my friend, because he has an eye and an impatience for frauds and bozos. So I was as pleased as a sport pepper to go on his WGN radio show yesterday morning and talk over Honk Honk, My Darling, as well as Bardball and the state of American culture in general. Rick is the only person I know on commercial radio who not only acknowledges that books are an important part to life, but actually gives over the majority of his show to talking with authors, some well-known, some a little less so. And talking to him is like getting a quick intravenous shot of every nightclub and newsmaker in the Second City. Thanks for a great time, Rick.

If you’d like to hear the interview (trust me, the banjo-and-fiddle music in the beginning fades quickly), click here.

But Ozzie has opinions about LOTS of stuff. He called a friend of mine this week and unloaded about all sorts of hot-button issues, which you can find at the link below.

OZZIE CALLING @ Chicagoside.com

Luckily, in this wired age, host Christopher Piatt took the time to record it, and now you can hear it by going to WBEZ-FM at the link below. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed all the rest of the show. If you live in Chicago, go check out The Paper Machete. Quality stuff from beginning to end, and it’s free.

Keep Your Kid Out of College, Stop a Snob in the Making!

Anyway, enough of my yakkin’. Let’s boogie.

Alchemy of Scrawl on Blog Talk Radio

But if you knew how many hours it took me to mix the last podcast (“Have Yourself a Monkey Little Christmas”, which is now taken down until next December), you’d certainly cut me some slack. By a rough estimation, aside from the actual recording of the episode, it takes at least 1 hour to mix 1 minute of narrative. Add into that my searching the web for just the perfect sound effect, and the time goes up further. Don’t get me wrong, I still love doing this — it’s just a scheduling commitment that I sometimes put off for other things, like paying bills or writing.

So here you go, Chapter 11. I hope you like it. And tell your friends and neighbors about it.

But since that’s not so Chicago-centric, I decided to look into another old friend’s podcast. Improv4Humans is something new from Matt Besser, who like Walsh was a founding member of the Upright Citizens Brigade. He’s in Los Angeles now too, and you’ve seen him on “Modern Family”, “Raising Hope” and many other shows. But maybe if I put the TWO of them together, that makes it a Chicago event. I remember them back in the day, when they introduced the Bucket of Truth and the Titty Brothers at Theatre of the Bizarre. They have (sort of) grown up.

But I won’t waste time explaining why you should listen to both of these (because you really, really should). Instead, click this link and read the Culture Vulture piece in the Reader.

And if you want to go straight to the podcasts, click below:

The Bear Down Podcast

Improv4Humans