by James Finn Garner. Copyright 2008

A writer and a creative director, in a conference room somewhere downtown…….

So the client is…

Very interested in tying its products and services to a more seasonal feel…

A goodwill-towards-men thing…

Not just men…

Certainly, I was being figurative…

Although men are the primary purchasers.

That’s good. Strong focus. Narrow-casting. Right there, BOOM!

Brilliant. And remember, there’s no such thing as a bad idea.

No such thing. Never heard one.

So tying the client’s identity more intimately with…

Is the client on the net?

No, don’t think so.

You’re kidding. That’s ridiculous.

I’ll check.

Not on the net. Tchhsh. How can we do our job….

Just brainstorming now. No such thing as a bad idea. Think, the season. Word association.

Tinsel. Office parties. Polar fleece. UPS.

Think “Classic.”

“A Very Brady Christmas.”

No, more classic. Think further back.

Um, can’t.

Currier & Ives.

Or Hall & Oates. That’s classic.

The client wants to have its product associated with the warmer, fuzzier concepts of the season.

Tickle-Me-Elmo.

Settle down, there’s work to do. Semantics check. Let’s think of another way to “frame” the season.

“Christmas”?

That’s a start, go with that.

Christmas. Snow. Jesus. Candy canes. Snowmen. Three snowmen. Weren’t there three snowmen in something?

That Michael Keaton movie? Where he got reincarnated as a snowman?

Saw it on DVD last night. Interesting.

Good?

No, not good. Interesting.

Christmas. Jesus. Candy canes.

Isn’t this Christmas emphasis going to run into problems with legal? Shouldn’t it be more inclusive?

Guessing from the seat of my pants, I’d say it won’t be a problem. Client’s business is centered mostly in flyover.

Farmlands? Countryside?

Exactly.

Flat open spaces, covered with snow.

Think “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”

Heartland. Pies. Fat people. Tradition. Tradition.

Yes, I like it. Keep going.

Fat people. Food. Sweet, fatty food. Eating disorders. Bulimia.

Back up. Bad tangent.

You said there were no bad ideas.

Well, if there were, that would be one.

Listen , if you just want some hack work, go find someone else. I’m this close to quitting. There are plenty of shops around town that would be looking to hire me. Need I remind you of the Dancing Dishwasher?

Oh, please, I didn’t mean it.

Corner office?

Done.

Back to work.

I like all the heartland stuff. Images are just flying through my head. Gimme traditions. Gimme more. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Sleigh rides. Snowball fights. Nintendo.

Egg nog. Cookies. Fireplaces. Stockings.

Oh please don’t….

Santa Claus!

Arrrgh! I’m done! That is so cliché. How can you call yourself a creative director when you come up with something so derivative, so stale?

This is it. I’m thinking heartland, I’m thinking food, farming, snow-covered fields.

Lame, lame, lame.

No, that’s the magic of Christmas, the magic of Santa. His image is so flexible that it can be applied to almost any situation. Infinite possibilities. Now, it’s our job to coax those possibilities out of the image and make it stand out, and represent what the client’s image is supposed to be.

That’s where I’m having a problem. Wedding the client to Santa Claus.

Listen, I know you’ve never liked this client….

Not my first choice, no.

But they are a good, solid company with a dependable product to sell, and it’s up to us to help them do that.

Why do they want to tie it all to Christmas?

This is the time of year when its customer base makes purchasing decisions, before spring, when the real work begins to pile up.

I didn’t say it couldn’t be done. I’m just a little stumped.

We were doing fine with word association. You’re in a groove. You da man.

Brain dead, brain dead.

Just relax, now, have a sip of americano, and let the pictures take over your mind.

Okay…Santa….fat….overweight….unhealthy…..

You’re really stuck on this weight thing, aren’t you?

I guess I am. I don’t see many fat people at all, except in focus groups. It just weirds me out. Why are they like this? Don’t they have places to work out? And why do people seem so attracted to Santa? He’s not like a Rosie O’Donnell kind of fat, or even an Oprah kind of fat. He’s so ….

Comfortable about it?

Unapologetic about it.

Maybe people relate to that. With him, it’s “Take it or leave it.” He’s a rebel. Jolly, but with an attitude.

I just find it visually disruptive, that’s all.

Don’t think of it as weight. Think of it as stature.

Okay, then I see the fur outfit. Red fur. What’s up with that? What animal has that much red that you can make a coat out of it? Strange outfit. I’d go in camouflage myself. Or one of those black cat suits that a jewel thief might wear.

Hmmm, he’s got a pack on his back.

Which he uses to toss things out of. Scatters things. Distributes, dispenses things….

I see where you’re going.

Just like his sleigh thing. Flying over flyover country. Spreading joy, good cheer, whatever, blah blah blah.

Just like the client, spreading things from the sky.

Could be. Maybe his sleigh can go on the ground, be converted for spraying and spreading.

What’s to stop us from putting Santa in a tractor? He’s been put in every conceivable type of vehicle before, anyway.

Remember when Norelco had him riding around on the snow on an electric razor?

Oooooh, that was magic.

Yeah, that’s what really made me start to believe.

In Santa?

In advertising.

So we put Santa in some sort of big combine-sprayer-tractor thing…..

John Deere. Reindeer. Can we do anything with John Deere-reindeer connection?

Write that down. I like it. Keep ‘storming.

Or Rudolph could be driving the plane while it flies over the fields!

Brilliant! His bright red nose leading the way.

Yeah, Rudolph flying over the snow covered fields, while Santa is on the ground, driving the big tractor-sprayer thing.

Okay, then we need a tag line. “You’ll get a ho-ho-whole lot of coverage with ManaCor-G ….”

That’s it, I quit! I don’t need this job, you know. I’m working on a screenplay, and I know how to get it read. I only just fell into advertising. It’s not my life’s work.

Brainstorm. Brainstorm. Your images are fantastic. Now, come up with a better slogan than me.

“You’ll be feeling fat and sassy with…”

Get over the weight hang-up, won’t you? As a favor to me?

“Silent night, buuuuuug-free night.”

“It sprayed upon a midnight clear.”

“On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A field that was corn-borer free….”

“Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
You’ll feel just fine with ManaCor-G …”

“’Twas the night before harvest…”

Listen, listen, we’re on the right track here. Let’s right these down, come back at it fresh tomorrow. It’s almost time for the office holiday party.

Excellent. I love this time of year.

….

Merry Christmas 2008

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